Stay True To Myself!!

26Mar08

Recent days, I am busy with my work and so others but I loved writing about what I saw, what I conversed and what I felt. I find the best way of keeping me as real me is to talk and just talk to the people, about sensible or not sensible things, after all it doesn’t matter. Again the reality to life is different, sometime people whom you loved to talk are busier than you expected and other time your mobile showing zero balance for any call. Thousands of ideas or thoughts are floating in head and I feel good about them but rather than enjoying them for couple of milliseconds, I want to preserve as authentically mine.

One of my main definitions of my own success is how well I have stayed true to the principles I set out to live and how they have helped me or hurt me. Regardless of the circumstances – right in the midst of rain or shine, hell or high water – how have I responded to what life has thrown at me? I have learnt a lot about me, my choices, my goals, my aims & most importantly to decide priorities in the life. Have my beliefs helped me or have they been a waste? Am I a better, stronger, smarter more open and more passionate about my God and my spiritual life than when I started or am bitter, angry, defeated or even arrogant and a know it all? Have my convictions been overturned or faded from desperation? After 21 years of living this journey – I still feel uncertainty!

I never thought I would miss the vulnerable, openness I used to live in…despite the fact that I whine and complain, moan and groan a lot – I’ve closed myself up quite a bit. You don’t hear me talk about where and what I’m struggling with spiritually or personally unless you are like, one of 5-7 people who are close enough to me. I am living in a land of masterminds where everyone is genius in his field and no one let you enter in his domain, I never understood the fear of being open to someone. I never understood the people who just go besides the framed circumstances rather than knowing the facts or reality. Many a times it bothered me very badly, I knew the real anger and hate ness that was covered by mask of hi, hello, friendship; but again everything happens for a good and fresh start. Though I haven’t change myself much but I started believing in “There is no regrets, they all lessons”

Life is of joyful moments, so how much time I lost for upper moments . I believe in relations of hearts in friends, family or wherever and whatever. I loved to share talk and spend hours and hours with friends, I like and those are the real moments which everyone shares. After all, I raised myself in photography and made professional and personal relations with various well known photographers and person who always looks for everyone’s good.

This is the most miserable time in life – completing bachelors degree. Where we’re thrown into a world we’ve never encountered before. We’ve been sheltered first by our parents and then by our university and no one really prepared us for the everyday reality [Everyone grows-up by listening fairy tale and about good world]. My everyday reality has been tested and tried so many times in the past that I’m not sure how to find ME again. I see myself walking around and going about actions sometimes without really feeling anything. I want to sing to worship music and cry, I want to be with my friends and laugh, I want to sit in a discussion and get passionate about photography. I miss the honest way I previously lived my life, my heart and mind on my sleeve for the world to see.

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